Finding Your Way When You’re Not Sure What’s Next
It was almost exactly 7 years ago that I was driving to the local university when I got an unexpected email that very much threatened to change the course of that day. (And the days that would follow.)
(Don’t worry, I was stopped at a stop light when I checked my email.)
I was headed to the university for a research meeting with a professor and her student research group who I’d recently started working with.
I was working with them for one reason: I’d decided to apply to get a master’s degree and as part of that, they liked you to get involved in research.
I was almost 20 years past getting my bachelor’s degree so this idea of school and research was all very new and different for me.
And if I’m being honest, I felt a little overwhelmed. Excited, but overwhelmed.
So there I was on that February morning, driving to campus to meet with the team I hoped to get a master’s degree with when I got this email.
You know what the email told me? I’d been rejected. I had not gotten into the master’s program.
But there I was, driving to campus for a meeting that they were expecting me at. What was I supposed to do?
Should I turn around and go home? (That certainly felt like what I wanted to do. Pajamas and a blanket and hiding out and wallowing maybe.)
Should I continue on and do what felt like a “walk of shame” up to the campus where I knew I was rejected?
With uncertainty I continued on. I went to that professor’s office—feeling pretty stupid mind you—and met with them just like it was any other day.
And I continued to go, week after week, because I’d really felt like this was the right path for me, going back to school.
It wasn’t an easy time. It was a gloomy time of year and I remember feeling awfully gloomy myself during that month. I felt unsure of myself, my future, my purpose, even my worth sometimes.
None of that felt great.
But then something happened.
About one month after I was rejected—I did not see this coming—they changed their mind and decided to let me into the program after all!
I was shocked. I’d been told no. They’d told me the decision wouldn’t change. But it did.
Now that uncertainty about my path felt outlined for me. I was going back to school.
And so, in September, I began a master’s degree program in Marriage, Family, and Human Development.
I was so out of my element. Remember, it was 20 years since I’d been in school. Twenty years since I’d had to write papers, study for tests, check my grades, all of those things.
But I knew my path now and that felt amazing!
I still have fond memories of making the drive to campus that first semester and driving down a road with a perfectly gorgeous view of the changing leaves on the trees and just feeling on top of the world.
I was loving being back in school. I loved meeting new people. I loved learning. I loved my boys getting to see mom do something challenging.
I felt a sense of purpose. I felt like myself more than I had in years.
I ended up enjoying the program so much that I decided to apply to stay on for a PhD—and this time they let me in on the first try.
I don’t want to tell you that it was all amazing. It was also hard. Really hard at times.
I was a mom of four balancing school and motherhood. I was in a rigorous program with a lot expected of me.
I felt pressured and inadequate often.
But it also felt so good to be doing something meaningful and aligned with who I am.
I spent another couple of years in school until I finished up in the Fall of 2023.
And then my life changed again. This time simply because I was no longer in school. My hours were no longer dictated for me by assignments and reading, writing and studying.
And I was left again in that “now what” state. What did I want to do with my time? What was my purpose? Where was that sense of meaning I’d felt?
And I’m going to be completely honest, many days this is still a struggle for me.
I do have some ideas about things to work on (I mean, you’re reading some of that work that I spend my time on right now).
But sometimes I am uncertain. Sometimes a crave a sense of purpose that feels like it slips through my fingers.
I know that I’ll find my footing again, but it’s a little less sure now.
Most of us crave a sense of purpose and direction in the things we do. We want to feel like our time and efforts are meaningful. We want to feel lit up inside and alive in the things we do.
And sometimes we struggle to feel that. We instead get caught up in just going through the motions in our lives. We move from one task to the next but don’t find a ton of fulfillment in what we did.
If you feel that, I want you to know two things:
First: It’s ok to feel uncertain sometimes.
I’ve had moments of HUGE amounts of uncertainty as I’ve worked to find my path in recent years. And then at other times I’ve felt absolutely on fire with excitement about the things I am doing. Some back and forth between these things is normal and expected. That doesn’t mean you’re lost. It just means you’re in transition.
Second: Clarity usually doesn’t arrive all at once.
Small steps can lead you to a clearer path.
That morning I drove to campus after getting rejected, I didn’t have confidence. I didn’t have a clear path. I just kept showing up for something that felt like it might matter.
You don’t have to take a huge leap to start feeling more like yourself again. You don’t have to know your big purpose. You just need one small step toward something that feels even slightly like you.
Just do one small thing that sounds fun to you or one small thing that feels meaningful. No need to overthink it. Just try something.
Then another. And another.
Over time, those small steps start to form a path. No need to rush. No need to pressure it. Just let yourself step into the uncertainty and see where it leads you.
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